Some time ago, while expecting my second child, someone asked me if I didn’t think it was hard to give up your whole life as you know it in order to raise children. Although it was about two years ago, I never forgot because it was a bit shocking to momentarily see my life through the eyes of another person and to realize how much it differed from my own view. The surprise was mostly due to the fact that, specially after having my first child, I was convinced that you don’t give up things, you actually gain a whole lot.
More and more I've begun to notice, as I go about my business, casually preaching to the world how much I enjoy motherhood, that it is less and less clear why people are having kids these days. It is something that definitely hits the top five of things to do once a certain age is reached, but when they do have them it seems that they immediately move on to other things that take up the time that should be spent finishing the job they’ve started. This job, or rather enterprise, that you plunge into should be a defining circumstance in your life; it should be something that helps shape your decision-making processes. For instance, I have to raise a child, therefore I shouldn’t accept a job offer that would keep me out of sight as they grow. Children need enormous amounts of help in order to grow and infinite amounts of love. Love, in turn, is not something you can give by hiring someone who will change their diapers. Love does not translate into toys that give off light and make noises. Placing a stuffed animal on their bed does not replace reading them a bedtime story. Which reminds me of another area where many parents think they’re nailing it, yet they're failing hopelessly: education. Apparently, no one ever taught them that it is not equivalent to placing them in the most expensive schools, it means being there so they can learn by your example.
If I had a magic wand and could do anything for the world, I would wipe out everyone and I’d give it a fresh start with people that had reasonable priorities or that were at least able to establish them. In the good old days, family used to be an institution, something that actually mattered. Now it barely reaches the category of social requirement. And it is true, parents today simply don’t know how to say one of the most powerful words there ever was: NO. Their role has become that of provider of material things, not of guidance. It is very clear to me that it is easier to please a child just to get him or her to shut up and stay put, than saying a big fat “no” and explaining how life works instead (and I should know it’s hard, I’ve actually gotten slapped in the face by a toddler after saying a big fat “no”). It is also very clear which is the right thing to do. This simple way of going through life has been lost in translation apparently because now good means easy and bad means difficult. People are being taught that they can bend the rules, have their way at the expense of others and get away with murder -literally, all because no one ever taught them the meaning of the word “no”. In pursuing happiness in life, teaching a child to deal with adverse events is single-handedly one of the greatest tools they could ever have. I have always said that perception and attitude are everything (ok, not always, but I’ve certainly learned this over the years). Children learn how men and women are supposed to act from, you guessed it, mom and dad. So the way you perceive things and the attitude with which you deal with them goes down a generation, along with eye color and height. For me the greatest challenge of, not having but raising kids has been to set the example. Hopefully we’ll all learn from my mistakes, but also from my momentary lapses of reason.
Things I’ve chosen not to have so far:More and more I've begun to notice, as I go about my business, casually preaching to the world how much I enjoy motherhood, that it is less and less clear why people are having kids these days. It is something that definitely hits the top five of things to do once a certain age is reached, but when they do have them it seems that they immediately move on to other things that take up the time that should be spent finishing the job they’ve started. This job, or rather enterprise, that you plunge into should be a defining circumstance in your life; it should be something that helps shape your decision-making processes. For instance, I have to raise a child, therefore I shouldn’t accept a job offer that would keep me out of sight as they grow. Children need enormous amounts of help in order to grow and infinite amounts of love. Love, in turn, is not something you can give by hiring someone who will change their diapers. Love does not translate into toys that give off light and make noises. Placing a stuffed animal on their bed does not replace reading them a bedtime story. Which reminds me of another area where many parents think they’re nailing it, yet they're failing hopelessly: education. Apparently, no one ever taught them that it is not equivalent to placing them in the most expensive schools, it means being there so they can learn by your example.
If I had a magic wand and could do anything for the world, I would wipe out everyone and I’d give it a fresh start with people that had reasonable priorities or that were at least able to establish them. In the good old days, family used to be an institution, something that actually mattered. Now it barely reaches the category of social requirement. And it is true, parents today simply don’t know how to say one of the most powerful words there ever was: NO. Their role has become that of provider of material things, not of guidance. It is very clear to me that it is easier to please a child just to get him or her to shut up and stay put, than saying a big fat “no” and explaining how life works instead (and I should know it’s hard, I’ve actually gotten slapped in the face by a toddler after saying a big fat “no”). It is also very clear which is the right thing to do. This simple way of going through life has been lost in translation apparently because now good means easy and bad means difficult. People are being taught that they can bend the rules, have their way at the expense of others and get away with murder -literally, all because no one ever taught them the meaning of the word “no”. In pursuing happiness in life, teaching a child to deal with adverse events is single-handedly one of the greatest tools they could ever have. I have always said that perception and attitude are everything (ok, not always, but I’ve certainly learned this over the years). Children learn how men and women are supposed to act from, you guessed it, mom and dad. So the way you perceive things and the attitude with which you deal with them goes down a generation, along with eye color and height. For me the greatest challenge of, not having but raising kids has been to set the example. Hopefully we’ll all learn from my mistakes, but also from my momentary lapses of reason.
***
Cable t.v., air conditioning, washer & dryer, designer makeup
Things I’ve chosen to have so far:
(On second thought, if anyone's interested in trading a cable t.v. subscription, air conditioner, washer & dryer, or designer makeup for two healthy boys let me know, I may change my mind!)
3 comments:
but of course you can visit! qué, llamo a tu secre para ir separando cupo?? ;)
chapeau ma chérie.
Ha, ha, love it.
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